Let’s Start from The Future.

About: Old School Bachelors

My brother is expecting a baby boy in the fall, and I’m hoping to be the uncle most persons never had.

That uncle your mom would have said will be a bad influence on you, cos he never stayed with a woman for long.

That uncle whose home was always fun to visit cos there was no scowling wife around.

That uncle who well into his 40’s still had lots of hair on his head cos there aren’t any kids causing him to lose it.

He had a man cave complete with a kegerator, video games, a GTR racing chair simulator, high definition sports package, autographed jerseys and artwork on the wall, and a fridge that was always loaded.

That uncle who’d sometimes hook you up with stuff you’d never get access to, without a credit card or an adult ID.

That uncle who had lots of fun activities he was into; in the winter he played ice hockey, then football in the summer, was in an air-soft or paintball league, scuba-dived wherever he could, and went skydiving every year.

Half of the year he drove around in an X6 or a Tesla, and in the summer he rode across country in his growling customized trike.

That uncle who’d see cheap airline offers and could at a whim, book a weekend trip just to get the fuck out of town and spend that Saturday somewhere else across Europe.

That uncle whom you’d rather have show up at your school and pretend to be your dad, cos he was still in great shape, had charisma, and his coolness would earn you the admiration of your class from now on.

……. Now that I think of it, the real reason moms dislike that uncle was not only because they themselves have lost the sexual value they would have needed to cunningly monkey-branch his way, but because that uncle had more bank savings potential than their debt-laden husbands, had more free time, went to bed and woke up happier, and didn’t give two fucks about any woman’s opinions on his life, his money, or what he was currently doing with both.

That’s the new-school bachelor I plan to be.